what pain really meant

what pain meant up til i was seven.
pain was when i tried riding the bicycle and fell down.
pain was when mummy would'nt buy me sweets to eat.
pain was when i fell down and scabbed my knee.
pain was when mummy punishes me when i was naughty.
pain was when my lil cousin sis bit me outta nowhere til i bled.
pain was when my cousin bro took his new toy riffle and whacked my head with it.
*
what pain meant until i was twelve.
pain was when teachers scolded me and made a fool out of me.
pain was when i changed schools and had to make new friends.
pain was when i got scolded for saying bad words that i didn't know the meaning of.
pain was when i started realising that people weren't all nice.
pain was when i fell down and friends laughed at me for it.
pain was when i realise that i had people who really hated me.
pain was being compared to people you can never be as good as.
*
what pain is since twelve.
pain is knowing that life is short and people around you actually leave.
pain is knowing that love isnt always reciprocated.
pain is seeing dreams and fairytales fall apart.
pain is hurting friends and making mistakes you can never undo.
pain is when "friends" say untrue stuffs behind your back.
pain is knowing friends change and sometimes walk out the door, never to come back.
pain is feeling not loved enough.
pain is loving someone who would never love you back the same way.
pain is getting a really bad result.
pain is feeling never good enough.
pain is the inability to forgive or forget.
pain is being replaced or the fear of it.
pain is feeling lonely
pain is having to let go.
pain is when close friends turn their backs on you when you need them the most.
pain is when change happens when you're most comfortable with the present.
pain is when you realise "forever" isn't as long as it used to be.
and pain is..
knowing that you're in pain..
but could do nothing about it..





people, this is just a random emo post=) was feeling kinda emo a while ago..but im fine now...no worries=)

Timing

In life as in art,

some endings are bitter sweet,

especially when it comes to love.
Sometimes fate throws two lovers together,

only to rip them apart.
Sometimes the hero finally makes the right choice

but the timing was all wrong.
and as they say…

Timing....is everything.

*
so i was talking to pat online and the topic of bad timing came up.

about how two people can totally be in love

but not be able to get back together because of the bad timing.

or how one person can never be with someone new because of the bad timing too.

bad timing because the person has not moved on,

or maybe bad timing because the person is not ready yet.

*

but no matter how things may turn out...

i still think everything happens for a reason.

the way pat says and i quote

'there must be a reason why people in your past don't make it to your future.'

if things were meant to happen now, it would.

if it wasn't, maybe it will in the future.

everything has its own time.

and if something is meant to be,

whats yours will ultimately be yours one day.

better than before

oola! saludo la genta~
thats hey people! in spanish
(was learning a lil of spanish from a columbian friend of mine, Luisa..hehe!)

Anyway, second day was an improvement..
i didnt get lost again. in fact, i was 10 minutes earlier!=)
everything went smooth with a lil thunderstorm in between.

overall...it was fine=)

looking forward for the next day!=)

oh~what a FREAGGIN day!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*I FREAGGIN SCREWEED up my first day at work!! *

TODAY...

i woke up at around 8 freaggin am,

freagginly ate breakfast,

tidy up the freaggin mess i made ( was expecting a roomate),

freagginly woke Sheirly and Chloe up,

freagginly showered,

changed into my freaggin and dorky uniform,

combed my unfreaggin hair,

tied my unfreaggin hair,

wore my freaggin socks and shoes..

by the time im all set..

it was freagginly 11.30am..

GREAT!..i was all happy and excited for work!

and started heading towards FREAGGIN Gristmill (my station!)

UNfortonutely...

i forgotten where my freaggin workplace is

i thought i freagginly remembered..

its definitely inside somewhere in that freaggin cowboy town

damn! this place is like a freaggin maze

everywhere looked the same

and after half an hour..

i realised..

..

..

..

..

I WENT TO THE FREAGGIIN WRONG DIRECTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was the opposite direction from where i was standing....ah my effing goodness!!

so..i turned back...

and walked the other freaggin way...

hallelujah..

im in cowboy town now..

MANA TAU..

i freagginly got lost again...

and spend the next 20 minutes asking around for freaggin directions..

but almost everyone shook their heads..

nobody knows where that freaggin place is!

and then..

i freagginly bumped into an old guy with an id card...

Great!..

a senior employee..

he must've been around here for a freaggin lonnnnngggggggggg time

i was ecstatic..

maybe he knows where that freaggin place is

i went over and asked..

and took a clearer look at his id while he was telling me where to go

*JOHN HILDERBUNDT*

then it dawned on me...

...

....

..

..

...

....

..

isnt that the CEO HERE??!!

i instantly remembered people telling me that there'll be people from the top patrolling around like undercover cops to catch idling employees

Oh what a freak?!
however..
i kept my cool..

and stayed calm..

in case my nerves gave me away..

so..i thanked him...with a smile of course

and briskly walk away from that spot..

and tada!!..

im there!=)

BUT!!!...i was an hour late..

suppose to clock in by 12 noon....argh..

fortunately,

not only was my supervisor cute,

but he was understanding too...

he totally understood my predicament and did not reprimand me=)

hence..i start my first day..=)

IT was cool at first

since i only mopped the floor and wiped a few cabinets

untill they put me in charge of the cash register.

the 1st few hours were in total chaos (like i expected)

i kept keying the wrong amounts,

and slowed down the whole transaction processes..

poor customers had to wait to get their change back

and i could smell impatience from some of them..oops~

well.those were just minor stuffs..

here comes disaster...

after we closed the shop,

each cashiers were suppposed to calculate the amount of money inside their cash register and compare them with the total amount on their respective receipt..

there will always be slight deviations..

which is totally normal..

but guess how much mine differed from the amount shown on my receipt..

USD$ 39.98!!

argh....and my supervisors spend almost 2 hours figuring out the cause behind it!

and thats exactly how long i felt bad about it...=(

finally..the verdict is out..

there were some miscalculations while i was trying to void the errors i made in the cash register

and all employees aren't suppose to make amendments themselves...

they should always get their supervisors to aid them..

argh..i panicked la..what to do?..

but i anticipated all these to happen

to someone as muddleheaded as me..=(

and the worst part is..

I ONLY WORK FOR max 6hrs per day..

meaning..

wages after minusing taxes and expenses..

are way lesser now=(

oh~ what a day..

and tomorrow's another one..zz..

Schweet!~

Schweet~
thats my new catchphrase i just picked up for use while im in US
so..people..i'll be schweeting alot!!
and hope ya'll have a Schweet time!!

HELLOOO USA!!

After transiting in changi airport for 8 hrs,

followed by another tedious 8 hrs to tokyo,

not forgetting flying all the way to chicago for 10 hrs...

FINALLY!!

WE'VE ARRIVED at cedar point amusement park=)

schweeeettt~

what's more schweeter is that i've got my employee ID...

CHARLENE

my new nickname turning official once i re-register for a new ic

pretty cool dont ya tink?=P

*

i've always fret about not having an english name which would be easier to remember and less prone to any sort of mis-pronounciations..

and yesterday at training class,

one of my instructor mispronounced my "shilei" as "silly"

and BANG!!

the whole class started laughing...

though i felt extravagantly embarassed

somehow, i managed to leave an impression on others

and that helps me make new friends much much more easier and faster!!=)

so..i guess once in a blue moon,

something horrible like this may have a positive side effect too ?..



so people..

start calling me by that name..

u and i gotta get accustomed to it..

=)



anyway..

here's my new uniform!

dont mind my retarded pose in shades=)

i prefer the 2nd pic without that dorky hat..=)

well..thats it for now..will elaborate more when i've got the time

so stay tuned for it my lovelies!!...

i'll be bacckkk!=)

btw..bout that LT trip..

go read ksaboy's blog ( www.ksaboii.blogspot.com) for more updates..

i'll update as soon as possible...=)

and i'll update bout the entire process of getting here..=)

tatas~

Debts

I bet you people are excited to hear about my trip to LT
well...it was a blast!
however...
i'm not exactly in the mood to blog about it now..
especially when im leaving for US in a few hours time..=)
but i promise i'll update in US..
so stay tune for it=)
HOWEVER..
since "someone"=P SO insist that i post something before i leave..
here is........something..=)
*********
I've a habit..
a bad one in fact..
and you dont have to know me long enough to notice it..
in fact..we can be partial strangers and my habit would show itself
so what is it?..
yeah! owing people money..
somehow..
it always seems like i dont have enough
and almost everyday im getting interest-free loans..
good thing they're interest-free!!..
or i might end up owing dont-know-who just to pay those interests alone.
Sad thing is..i owe alot before going to LT..
didnt expect to come back owing even more
aish!~
anyways...here are my creditors:

Creditor No.1: Wong Yun Leng
Amount owed: RM7.50
Grace period: 4 months(exactly)
Consequences of delayed payment: its only 7.50...should'nt be a problem..=)

Creditor No.2 : Heng Carson
Amount owed: RM50
Grace Period: exactly 4 months
Consequences of delayed payment: fall down!

Creditor No.3: Tan Leeni
Amount owed: RM50
Grace period: 4 months and above
Consequences of delayed payment: she'll forget about it.....and so wud i..(jkjk=P)





Creditor No.5: Kwan Shu Nan(picture n/a)
Amount owed: RM135
Grace Period: none, today is the due date
Consequences of delayed payment: ignore this...im paying today!!

Congrats Rebekah!!

this post is specially dedicated to my dearest sister, Rebekah darling all the way at london..=)

CONGRATULATIONS !!

for being officially accepted by LSE- London School of Economics!!!

heard many world renowned economists graduated from that uni

and the thought of you becoming one of them in a few years time makes me feel totally ecstatic!!

so proud of you honey!!...

*salutes, salutes*

gosh..you're all grown up now...c

an't believe we haven't seen each other for like 5 years?

well..glad that you'll be back this december!!=)

cant wait to hear this news personally from you when you return=)

LOVE YA. ALWAYS.

miss you to death=(

math madness

MAD! MAD! MAD!

gosh...im goin "math" with integration people!!

somehow i just cant figure out which rules to apply for most of the questions

a lil help here?

*

and this is how hu wei managed to make me stop stoning online and to start studying.

HOWEVER..

tomorrow's maths gonna be my last paper!!

and what happens after that will be the hallmark of the entire week!!

because..

IM GOING TO LANG TENGAH WITH MY FELLOW COURSEMATES for 4 days!!!

yippies!!

see ya'll till den...=)

bet next week's posts' gonna be filled with helll full of funness!!

fiesta en casa de jon!!

***

pat, sammy, and i went to jon's house today.
coz jon was going to COOK for us people. =)
and its not everyday you get a guy cooking for us ladies.
so this was so not to be missed.
we went at 10am and like were waiting for about 3 hours

before our food was officially prepared, cooked and all. =)

*

sammy found the chick with the hottest tush.

and its none of us.

its the one pat is kissing.

pat has uhm, a tush kissing fetish.lmcao!

*

AND FINALLY!

our food was ready.

HALLLLEEELLLUUUJJJAAAAHHHH!

honestly, it was worth the wait.

it was really good.

and i should know..since i went for like...3 rounds?lol

NOW that i'm seeing the pasta picture again.

i'm all hungry..*stomach groans..*

damn.

THANKS JON!

you and your pasta made my day!!=)

Why let it?

sometimes i wonder how friends that were once so close

can end up not talking anymore.

be it not talking, not waving when you walk pass each other, etc.

is there that distance because of a fight, busy schedules

or merely something all friendships go through?

well, i think that...

distance only comes in between those who let it.

*

and i also think...

friendships that were ever proven to be true,

should never let it happen.

x

MI - Macro Impossible

So...would you knock mine down?..=]

**********

okay~....i tink i screwed macro

1st time getting that "ah i think i might fail" kinda feeling

ARGH!!...can't believe i've devoted my every waking hour

to study a subject that killed me simply because

i DID NOT expect PAST YEAR QUESTIONS to be asked again!!!

*

As TIRED and EXHAUSTED as i am right now

prolly bcoz i've seen 3 consecutive sunrises in this week alone.=)

Its amazing how i still can salvage enough energy to blog

guess blogging is really destressing..=)

im lovin it!

*

LESSON LEARNED: STUDY EVERYTHING!!!

gee...Ms Ng sure is tricky..=P

Umbrella

i may not be the best umbrella holder or shelter.

you might still be drenched in rain or feel the scorching sun.

but the very least,

remember my effort.

that even if i'm not good enough or on time,

i'd be there. =)

shoo exams shoo!

OMG OMG OMG OMG.
CAN EXAMS END ALREADY PUHLEASEEEEE?!!!
*
At this very moment i wish that i'd that remote control in Click.
i'd totally skip this whole coming week!

with world econs slowly sucking out the balance energy left in my body

not to mention THE mega packing challenge right after exams!!
*

omg. why am i blogging now?
GOTTA GET BACK TO MY NOTES!
BYE!

Danger lurks..

the world is such an unsafe place.

one of my distant neighbour, an 18yr old girl,
got kidnapped last Saturday by four malay guys
while she was taking a brief walk outside her house..

till now..there isnt any news bout what had happened to her....

Then yesterday morning, sherilyn and her mum were robbed
while on their way to the market...
Thank goodness they’re fine =]

see. danger lurks even right at your doorsteps.

*
i remember when i was still studying in jc
i left my purse under my desk for about 2 hours
forgot to take it after math.
and when i went back...
hallelujah, it was still there.
*
in a twisted way...
as much as i can be pretty patriotic malaysian,
i couldnt help thinking "luckily this is singapore."
what to do?
i've got my own freaggin phone stolen by a FRIEND back in sec school before.
hmm.
*
be careful people.

10...9...8...7...back to when im SIX!!

~1st blog entry should always start with a lil sumting bout the author rite?..well here it is!!~

***

I found this pic while looking through my scrapbook....
it was taken when i graduated from tadika 13 years ago...

okay!! 13 YEARS AGO!!!!...

thats how fast time zooms by and it pound on me

that i’ve graduated 3 times, from tadika, primary and sec!!!
prolly a couple years from now, i’d reach my legally marrying age

*
Well..just a brief description of that pic....
I was involved in a fancy dress contest back then

and mum dressed me up like sum Japanese doll in a green kimono..
It looked fantastic i guess?..(narcissist eh?)...

since i came in 1st place in that contest..woohooohooo..

Well...all thanks to my mum...

nothing proves her gr8 sense of style better than that trophy in my hands

*kudos to mum* =)

*
As cliché as it may sound....time flies the fastest when you’re having a gr8 time
can’t believe that i’ll have to start saying im twenty next year..
soon..i wont be having a TEEN behind my age anymore...=(

SO..betta enjoy my life right now before i hit those even numbers..
coz after that..it’ll all be plain adult business...

*

A’deous!!